Doing A Pink

He forget to order his NoNo.
He forget to order his NoNo.

I didn’t go the library this Wednesday afternoon, because I didn’t want to run into any young, fit, P.U.A’s desperate to conquer restless, married Cougars.

There’s a lovely movie out there called ‘The Wall’ by Pink Floyd. I’m not a Pink Floyd fan. But I think the wonderful thing about Pink Floyd is, you don’t have to be. You don’t have to be a fan to appreciate the music. The main character, Pink, is played beautifully by Bob Geldof. Actually, he’s a sir these days, Sir Bob Geldof. Some say Pink is based on Syd Barrett, who was a founder member of Pink Floyd and also based on band member Roger Waters and his life experiences.

The ‘film’ starts off in the nineteen forties. Daddy is at war and Pink is at home, missing his father dreadfully, understandably, while being oppressed by his overbearing and dominant mother. His dad is killed in action and Pink’s troubles really begin. He attempts to nurse an injured rat back to health, revering all life and suddenly seeing its value. The rat dies and Pink has to come to terms with the pain of his loss, both minor and major.

If this wasn’t enough, if he didn’t have enough on his plate, with the traumatic loss of his father, he also has to put up with sadistic, jealous teachers, who get off on humiliating him.

Pink goes on to become a rock star. He does the usual seventies rock star things. Too much sex and drugs to fill the vacuum within and not enough down time, where he just relaxes with a book and then watches The Hairy Bikers with some tea and toast. The only trouble is, The Hairy Bikers weren’t around in the seventies, so this starts Pink off on a long tedious, neurotic journey into mental decline.

Some of the things Pink does:

Becomes a leader of a fascist, racist cult.

Becomes deeply acquainted with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and its many facets.

Loses all interest in life. Everything is futile. Hopeless. ‘What’s the point of trying?’ would be something I could hear him saying at breakfast time, which is about 2 p.m for a rock star of his…excessive calibre.

Anyway, Pink’s demons finally catch up with him. He tries avoidance as a way to get through life, to simply survive on a day to day basis. I don’t know about you but it works for me.

It all accumulates in him ‘shaving off all his body hair, including his eyebrows.

I inadvertently ‘Did a Pink’ last night. I shaved off all my body hair. Unlike him, I had a safety razor and I didn’t shave off my eyebrows or my hair. I’m not that stupid or…brave, or mentally ill. Take your pick. But I gingerly surveyed my nicks and cuts this morning, in the same way, Pink observes his, in the bathroom mirror. Except, I didn’t bleed into my swimming pool for two reasons. One, I don’t have a swimming pool and two, not that much blood, if truth to tell.

I did however have very sore pits after showering this morning. Interestingly enough and maybe too much info, I had no problems anywhere else. I should have. I certainly should have. It’s a miracle.

I would definitely recommend shaving all your body hair off to anyone, under four conditions. 1) don’t be angry when you’re doing it. 2) don’t dry shave 3) shave below the neck and 4) don’t have two small glasses of wine beforehand, however small they appear. In fact, I would recommend not having any alcohol at all beforehand. Actually dry shaving isn’t such a problem if you’re a tough cookie and don’t blubber or cry at the smallest razor cut.  i.e if you’re a Scouser or a Geordie, or maybe just your really cool self.  5) Don’t go all the way with shaving in the private area, unless you’ve got a very steady hand. I would recommend a half Brazilian in those circumstances.

After I’d done it, I remember thinking, ‘This is what Pink did, in Pink Floyd’s The Wall.’ apart from the hair and the eyebrows and the full Brazilian which is what I’m sure he had …did. He was lucky it didn’t come off in his hand. I didn’t think for one moment, that I was influenced by this movie, to shave off all my body hair. I haven’t seen it for years. I think it is just a phase I’m going through. You know, the mid life crisis and all that. Or, the quarter life crisis as they call it now, in high society dinner party circles.

Forget that for now. Back to the movie. I think it’s a really great movie and I just watched it again tonight. If you haven’t watched it, you should watch it. It’s top class. The music (Pink Floyd) the animation sequences (Gerald Scarfe) the story (Roger Waters) the inspirations (Trauma) Trauma is always a wonderful inspiration for all the beautiful and the terrible in creative situations.

After my total body hair removal, above the neck not counted, and a little bit somewhere else, I realised sharp objects, drink and anger, probably shouldn’t be in the same room together, but hey, I’m still standing.

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